Monday, January 31, 2005

Burned into my mind

Music has played a large role in my life since my days in high school. I listen to my music most days, sitting at my computer, driving around town in my truck, walking to class on my iPod. Music is a constant in my life. While I don't have a wide range of different types/genres that I listen to, my selections within my narrow spectrum are wide and diverse.

There are some albums that particularly stick out for me. Not for any reason in particular. Only that they are the music that I associate with fond memories that I have. The music and the memories are burned into my mind. Seared and fused together, never to be forgotten.

For instance, by brother and sister and I used to spend several weeks during the summer down at Hunting Island in South Carolina. One of the first summers that I was able to drive my brother and I spent a lot of time going fishing at the other end of the island on a state pier. The drive to the pier was a good fifteen minutes and the cd that was in the car stereo the entire two weeks was Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds Live at Luther College. It was a great two weeks spent fishing, swimming and soaking up the rays. Every time I put that album in now, I am sucked back to that time, so many summers ago when by brother and I would grab our gear and pile into the car for a drive. I can still remember driving through the jungle like island with Dave singing in the background.

In high school when we lived out west, my brother, sister and I used to like to drive up into the mountains and do various things. One of our favorite summertime activities was to drive up the Washougal river road and go to 5 Mile. 5 Mile is an area where you can swim and go cliff jumping. We spent many summer days passing time by jumping off the cliffs and swimming in the cold snowmelt water. The music that sticks out in my mind there is MXPX Live at the Show. I distinctly remember riding up the curvy, windy road blasting MXPX with my brother in the passanger seat with me. After swimming and jumping for hours we would get back into the car exhausted and wearing only our swimsuits to drive back home.

Ah, good times. Music is always there and means so much. I don't know what I would do without it. Live would be so much more boring.

Mood: Reminiscent
Music: Alkaline Trio

Sunday, January 30, 2005

Finally, it hit me.

Today, in between work shifts I was at home doing some banking. When I downloaded all of my transactions from my bank into Quicken, I saw a debit for 72 dollars. I was stunned and worried at the same time. I looked at the date and thought back to last week, racking my brain to try to figure out where I had spent such a large sum. Nothing came.

N was over here taking a nap and I was starting to get worried about my account. I was worried someone had stolen my card, my account number, or worse my identity. I called the bank, but as usual they were closed (don't get me started on the hours bankers keep). I woke N up from her slumber and asked her if she could remember me buying anything. She was still half asleep but didn't seem to remember anything.

By this time, I was almost in a state of panic. Finally, it hit me. The debit was for a strikingly similar sum to my paycheck. As I thought about it more it was exactly the size of my paycheck. I quickly looked for a paystub to cross reference the figure. No luck. I woke N back up to tell her that I think my paycheck bounced.

When I went back to work, the manager told me that there was a mix up somewhere and there way no money in the payroll account. Everyone's check was going to bounce. Fuck, I thought. So, now I have to go through a bunch of shit with the banks tommorrow to get it all settled out. I hate dealing with the banks and I hate dealing with crap like this.

I think I might try to charge my boss a 30 dollar return check fee. I wonder if she'll go for that. Probably not. I'm just glad I didn't go out and spend my paycheck yet. That would have been bad if I had gotten a bunch of NSF fees off of a bounced paycheck.

--

I did my taxes the other day. My refund is going to be about $320. I'm pretty stoked. It is going to go into the Mac mini/Powerbook fund. I can feel them getting closer everyday.

This is really the first time I've ever saved for any big purchase like this. Most of the time I just put it on my credit card and pay for it later. It's kind of satisfying knowing all that money is hidden in a chest near my bed and I've had the self control not to spend any of it.

Mood: Tired, Full
Music: Jets to Brazil


Pedro was great.

The show on Friday night in Atlanta was great. The opening band wasn't that good, they sounded like generic rock you might find in any bar across America. Perfect for Clear Channel Radio.

Before the show, we went and ate at the famous Varsity. I remember watching the 1996 Olympics and Katie Couric doing a spot there. I remember her saying how great the food was and the place was packed out. I had two chili dogs that were pretty good, along with some fries. It was fun to go and eat there, epecially since it tooke me 9 years to get there.

Pedro was great. It was good to finally get to see them live. One of the things that I thought was really cool is partway through the set, Dave Bazan, the singer asked the crowd if there were any questions. They took some questions and answered them and then did it again later in the set. I thought it was a pretty cool thing to do, I had never seen a band do that. The questions that were asked were pretty good and the answers were funny.

The weather ended up being pretty nasty on the way back. The freezing rain had started by the time we left the show and ice was starting to form on the interstate. The normal hour and forty five minute trip took closer to two and a half hours and I probably saw close to 10 wrecks on the way back.

Have not been doing much this weekend. I rented and watched Michael Moore's Roger and Me. I thought it was pretty good although, I still think Bowling for Columbine is my favorite movie of his so far.

Tonight N is taking me out to a local Japanese steakhouse. I'm pretty stoked because it is always fun to go and have the hibatchi chefs cook for you and do all their cool tricks.

Mood: Excited
Music: Rufio

Saturday, January 29, 2005


I think we made it out of Atlanta just in time last night. On the way back, we saw about 12 wrecks.  Posted by Hello


This is what I woke up to this morning. Luckily, temperatures had started to moderate so there was no ice on the roads. I don't think my little truck would have handled well on icy roads... Posted by Hello

Friday, January 28, 2005

Going to the show.

Well, fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, the situation that I have been worried about never materialized on Tuesday night. We had a nice evening watching TV, reading, and going to sleep. That was about it. Not much to report.

Since intimacy is not in the imminent future with N, I think I'm going to cool my heels about the testing issue. I don't think it is really the right time to bring it up unless that is on the horizon. I do appreciate all the advice and input. I think that when I am ready to discuss it with her I have a pretty good idea of how I will approach it. So, Thanks!

Tonight, we are going to Atlanta for a Pedro the Lion show. N and I are big Pedro fans and have been trying to see them for quite some time. Timing has always been an issue and we just have never had a really good opportunity to go see them. I'm pretty excited about going to the show, even though my kind of show is a little more punk and rowdy, I'm sure it will be lots of fun. The weather is looking a bit iffy. They are calling for sleet and freezing rain. I'm sure it will be ok though because the Camry handles well, N just got new tires, and I am confident in my winter driving skills (unlike the rest of the south).

Last night I had a pretty cool experience. The bosses from work took us out to a local Mexican restaurant for dinner. As we were sitting there the football coach for the university walked around the corner and paid for his meal. He brings his dog into work for baths and boarding so a couple of the folks from work know him. They called him over and spoke with him for a minute. It was really neat because even though I didn't get to speak with him I had never seen him out in public like that. He was a very nice, personable guy.

He is like a demi-god around here, so it was pretty special to get a chance to see him. Those of you not from the south and who don't' follow football probably think I'm weird, and rightfully so. Let's just say it's one of those things that you have to be a part of to really understand where I'm coming from.

Mood: Stoked about tonight.
Music: Pedro the Lion, of course!

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

I've been thinking a lot

I've been thinking a lot about Dacia's response to my open letter as well as the comments provided by Nadia and Autumn. I think I have fully digested what they have said and am ready to post a response of my own. So here we go...

First let me respond to one of Dacia's points. She writes:

"Towards the end of your letter, you say: I love this girl deeply and care for her more than I care for myself. That's a problem, because between this phrase, the situation of the coming sleep over, and other posts I've read on your blog, you are basically letting her determine the relationship and waiting for her to green light the re-birth of a sexual relationship."
Yeah, that's true. Basically what happened back last spring and again in the fall was that N decided she needed some space and some time to be herself and find who she really is without being attached to anyone. That's fine and I have come to accept it for what it is over time. Lots of things have happened in her life, my life and our lives since the time we started dating and I completely understand where she is coming from.

That said, the decision to put our relationship was pretty much entirely hers. I still feel the same way about her that I have at any point in the past few years and I don't really know how to deal with it. It puts me in a place where I am more willing to do things that are probably not in my best interest and a grown, autonomous person.

I believe that is what love is, it is the willingness to put the other person in the relationship or the relationship itself ahead of our own personal needs. So, going with that definition I love her and am willing to put her needs, desires, wants ahead of mine to keep her happy. And, she does the same for me. (Of course all this has limits).

That puts me in the position that I find myself in. She has control in the relationship. And, that control is based/rooted in many things. The fact that I am still in love with her and want to be with her. Conversely, I do feel that my decisions have weight in the relationship, I know they do.

So, that's where I stand. I don't know what I'm standing on or how solid my footing is, but I do know where I stand. At this point, I would like to solicit your ideas or feedback with my logic. I know that it might be flawed, and therefore, I would like to hear what you have to say. Consider it an open invitation to speak your mind, throw your two cents in.
--
I think the advice that Dacia gave me was sound advice. I don't know though if I feel comfortable approaching her and just saying that I want us to get tested together. I feel like I need some validation or a real reason why I would want to be tested. Would it be deceitful for me to make up a reason. For instance, could I tell her that I had relations with someone and now am concerned that I need to be tested? Could I just make up the excuse that I have had some unprotected sex and want to be tested, 'just to make sure?' That would allow me to have a reason to get tested and a compelling reason to take her along with me.

I still think that if I just say, "Hey lets get tested" she will take it the wrong way and I will alientate her. But, if I do as I am suggesting and make up a reason for myself to get tested when I don't really have one, I am being deceitful and lying to her. So, I dunno, what are your thoughts/input?
--
In my letter, I wrote:
"I don’t think I feel comfortable sleeping with her again without using protection, because I think some of her more recent partners have been questionable with regards to their cleanliness."
That inspired Nadia to comment and write:
"I want to clarify something you said however, or rather change how you phrased it as it rubbed my sex educatin' mind the wrong way:
"I think some of her more recent partners have been questionable with regards to their cleanliness."

Cleanliness has NOTHING to do with one's sti status. I'm a squeaky clean woman with herpes. I caught it from someone who showered daily. Please don't feed into the idea that having an sti has to do with being "dirty." It's offensive to those of us who have caught one who have good hygiene, and it gives the mistaken impression that being clean will keep you disease free. Only having safer sex with partners who are reasonably sure of being sti free is what will keep you sti free."

Let me start out by saying that I was not trying to offend anyone (I am very sorry if I did offend anyone, including Nadia) and I believe my sentence was taken out of context.

I agree that the wording was misleading and didn't really convey the point that I intended to make in a good manner. What I really meant by the sentence was that, I think some of the partners that she has had recently are questionable in whether or not they are disease free. I substituted cleanliness for disease free in that instance and I don't think it was very appropriate.

I understand that most people who have STD's/STI's are walking around going about their daily lives without even the slightest bit of knowledge that they are carriers. I know that like HIV or Diabetes it is really a faceless epidemic and you cannot tell who might have anything just by outward appearances. I also fully understand that the STI epidemic that we face has NOTHING to do with cleanliness or hygiene.

With all that said, I still question the men that she has slept with and have genuine concern for her health and possibly mine.
--
So, there you have it. My response to the responses. I encourage you to give me feedback. This little set of exchanges is the most fun I've had with Backside 180 so far. So keep it up. Thanks to Dacia and everyone who read or commented.

I have much more to write, but I'm getting tired of typing right now, but I'll return tomorrow with another installment of my chronicles.



Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Dacia's Response

Dacia from over at Waking Vixen (Not Walking, for readers who might be less detail oriented) was kind enough to repond to my open letter after she finished up some things she needed to attend to. Let me just say thanks to her for doing it, it means a lot to me.

She brings up some interesting points that I have been pondering since I read her email earlier this morning. I am mulling them over and formulating a response. Not so much a response to her as much just a response for me to put my ideas on the topic out there.

So, without further adieu, Dacia's response to my open letter:

I'm not a huge fan of unsolicited advice in blog comments, so though I've had some thoughts about your relationship with N I haven't commented. But since you're asking, I'm telling!

The way I conceptualize safer sex is pretty expansive – to be able to practice safer sex, I believe that one has to gather information, process it, do an inventory of his or her personal feelings about and desire for various sex acts, and make decisions about safer sex practices based on all of this. Safer sex is about physical and emotional well-being.

That said, I know your question is about how to bring up a difficult topic with a maybe-kinda-sorta lover, but I think there's something else you need to pay attention to first: yourself. Towards the end of your letter, you say: I love this girl deeply and care for her more than I care for myself. That's a problem, because between this phrase, the situation of the coming sleep over, and other posts I've read on your blog, you are basically letting her determine the relationship and waiting for her to green light the re-birth of a sexual relationship. I'm not going to give you direct, concrete advice on what you should do with this problem, but I think you should give this some thought: how can you be a fully autonomous individual whose decisions about the relationship are just as weighty as hers?

That said, I do think you've taken a strong step towards autonomy by deciding that you would like to have safer sex. You might tell her that in your down time, you've been thinking a lot about sex – and even make a joke that its not just the dirty stuff, but everything else too, and that you've been reevaluating your values and would like to get in the habit of practicing safer sex. You could also say that your doctor recommended testing for yourself and any partners – as you are of the age range most frequently infected with STIs. Ask if her doctor has ever said this to her, offer to get tested together. These are just some examples of approaches, but what I'm trying to steer you towards is that you should own the decision, show and tell her that it is about you and your concern for yourself (and her as a result) and not that you think she's a dirty slut. All told, it is possible that you will alienate – but if you are set having safer sex, you should pursue that, and she should respect that this is not an issue you want to compromise on.

As far as the condom hurting her goes – while it's rare, some people are allergic to latex in condoms. You could try polyurethane male condoms (Avanti is a good brand) or female condoms – the material is a bit more expensive but they conduct heat really well. It's more likely that she is having a reaction to lubrication issues, either not enough (which can cause condoms to break) or the lube on the condoms themselves. Most pre-lubed condoms have lubed that is made with glycerin, which is longer-lasting but can cause yeast infections in women. Although they've fallen out of favor, there are still condoms with Nonoxynl-9 (a spermicide) on the market – these cause vaginal irritation in most women.

By the way, this is a conversation best NOT had in bed when things are getting steamy, because then it will blow up for sure. You'll get flustered, you'll say something silly: it will be bad. Have the talk in a non-sexual situation.

Let me know if you have further questions/concerns.

So there you have it, some hard hitting points as well as what I consider some sound advice. I'm out now, but I'll be back with a formulated response as well as a juicy story that relates to the whole situation.

Mood: Blah!
Music: Millencolin

Monday, January 24, 2005

Open Letter

I have decided to write an open letter to Dacia of Waking Vixen fame. I am increasingly finding myself in a situation that I am not sure how to handle. I hope that Dacia will feel compelled to dole out a little advice to me. I am in need of it. Also, If you feel you have any helpful advice, please feel free to leave it in the comments section.

The following is the text of the open letter that I sent her.

Dacia:

I’m writing to you because I find myself in a situation where I don’t know how to proceed. I need some advice and I do not know where else to turn but to someone like you. I am confident you can help me and provide me with some wise advice.

I am in a relationship with a girl who I have been seeing for several years now. We dated very seriously for two years and were even living together for most of that time. In the past year, we have put our relationship on hold, to take some time apart and to date other people but we still see each other every day and continue to do things together. Recently, our relationship has started to become more sexual and intimate again.

When we first started dating, we had sex very often and never used a condom. The first time we had sex, it just kind of happened and the opportunity didn’t really arise to use a condom, it set a precedent for non condom use. Later into the relationship, we tried to use a condom, for the pregnancy protection, but she complained that it hurt her, and she could not take it.

She had previously been with five other men before me and had never used a condom. In the last year, I know that she has slept with four more men, while I have not slept with anyone else. I do not know if she has been using condoms or any other form of protection with these men. I do know that on at least one occasion, she used a condom, but other than that I do not know if she has been using them.

She has asked me to stay over tomorrow night and I’m not quite sure what her motives are. I don’t know if she just wants to me stay as friends or if she is planning on seducing me. That’s not really the point. My point is, I think that we will eventually get back together and become intimate again. I don’t think I feel comfortable sleeping with her again without using protection, because I think some of her more recent partners have been questionable with regards to their cleanliness.

My question for you is, how can I bring up the idea that I want to have safe sex when we have a long history of never having safe sex? I love this girl deeply and care for her more than I care for myself. How can I do this without making her feel like a dirty whore (which I don’t believe she is)? How can I protect her and me without hurting her feelings or risking alienating her?

I hope that you will feel compelled to help me since you are such an advocate for safe sex. In advance, I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond to my letter. Thank you.

J

I hope that she will respond and take my call for advice seriously. She is after all a self professed safe sex advocate. So, my situation seems right up her alley.

Mood: Reserved
Music: My American Heart

Sunday, January 23, 2005

I didn't really feel much

The other night when O and I went to dinner, not much happened. We went to dinner, had some nice conversation, I gave her the Christmas present that I got for her, and that was pretty much it. I didn't really feel much, we didn't connect, she didn't seem interested in me for anything other than hanging out.

This evening I rented a movie to watch and invited her over via IM, I never heard back from her, but she has a different away message up now than earlier, so I'm pretty sure she got the message. From that standpoint, and from dinner the other night, I would say that we are pretty much finished, if there was even and "us" in the begining. I'm bummed, but it's no major loss. Oh well.

On another front, things are going well with N right now. Since she told me last week that she stills thinks she will marry me someday, it has made me a lot more at ease with everything. I feel more like I can just relax, go with the flow and enjoy having her in my life even if she isn't my life.

She asked me to stay over on Tuesday night and I think I'm going to. I don't know what will happen but I'm exited and nervous at the possibilities. Where will it go? Probably nowhere, but at least I'll get to stay with her and cuddle her, if for only one night.

Mood: Hopeful
Music: Dave Matthews

Saturday, January 22, 2005

The Sign Game

Last night I participated in perhaps the most redneck activity I have ever taken part in. Background: My roommate and I were looking for something to do. Since we curently don't have any female entertainment lined up our plans included beer but not much else. We looked around at a few of the bars in town, but nothing good seemed to be happening so we passed. After a little while of just sitting around the apartment my roomate suggested that we go out and play The Sign Game.

I had no fucking clue what the sign game was so he explained it to me. Basically, you go to a gas station and pick up a six pack of beer. Then you ride out into the country and drink the beer on the way. At some point, preferably when you have empty bottles, you decide to start playing. Basically what you do is you pick out a sign on the side of the road and toss your empty bottle at it as you speed pass at speeds in excess of 60 miles per hour. When you hit the sign, the bottle makes a very satisfying pop sound and shatters into a million pieces.

I know there are tons of problems with this type of behavior. Believe me, my environmentalist, don't drink and drive, don't litter self is screaming at me for even taking part last night.

Last night turned out to be lots of fun, and we came back no worse for the wear. We really didn't get drunk, only buzzed, and we were so far out in the sticks that there was very little traffic and probably none if any cops. Most of our time was spend on county roads and secondary state highways.

I just hope next time I can improve on my 2 for 6 performance and still make it home in one piece.

Mood: Optomistic
Music: The Juliana Theory

Friday, January 21, 2005

We the Pornblographers

After, several explicit posts and the general sharing of the intimate details of my life, I think I can consider myself a pornblographer. I don't exactly know what that means, and in fact if you follow the link, you will see that Google doesn't find too much either.

I would consider a lot of the blogs I link to pornblography and therefore the writers pornblographers. It's apparent that this word is in its infancy and the meaning behind it is just coming into being. I wonder if it will ever become commonly used or if it will even enter the vernacular of sex blog readers or anyone else. Maybe some day the mass media will pick it up and use it as a buzzword as they talk about the "moral decline of society." Heck, maybe Dacia, DTG, Monmouth, The Girl, Myself or any of the other pornblographers will be cited as the ones who started it all. Started the decline. Opened the door to a time when everyone shared their sexual experiences (or lack of) in their blogs. How cool would that be.

I actually thought about all this in the course of one shower earlier this week. I was thinking about Northstar, a band I like and one of their songs called The Pornographer's Daughter. Maybe someday someone will write a song about We the Pornblographers.

On a side note, O IM'd me and asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with her and her roommate. I agreed. Hopefully it will go well, maybe it will lead to some action, or at least the possibility of some action down the road... We'll see.

Music: Alkaline Trio
Mood: Ready for a good Friday night.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

I'm now ready to deliver. (Favorite Fuck)

I went to dinner tonight with N and my roomie and ate far too much. Then I went home to N's house and helped her put new sheets on her bed. I'm now home and near ready to hit the sack for the night.

I know I promised a post about my favorite fuck a while back and I think I'm now ready to deliver. This fuck happened a long time ago, back when N and I were fucking on a regular basis. It was probably within the first six months or so of our relationship.

For some reason, she has always had certain powers over me. For instance, on the day in question, she talked me into skipping my Finance class and hopping in the shower with her. I really enjoyed my Finance class so her talking me into skipping required a little persuasion on her part. I remember not wanting to skip, but as soon as she promised me a blowjob I was done for and agreed.

We hopped into that tiny shower in her old duplex and began to shower as most of our showers did, by warming up in the stream of hot soothing water, holding each other in a good long hug. Then I kissed her. We began to kiss and make out; as usual my dick began its march to attention. Soon, things started to get hot and heavy, while kissing her, I reached down to her tender bits and began to feel my way around in between her legs. The water running down and over our two bodies as we began our journey into infinite bliss.

I felt around, slowly parting her outer lips so I could work my way through the folds to the money spot that tends to make her week in the knees. But, before I could navigate all the way there, she pushed me away. She grabbed the washcloth hanging by the soap and put it on the ground. She instructed me to stand there while she went down on her knees. She grabbed my cock with her right hand and slowly lowered her lips onto it. I remember the blowjob being different than any other I had experienced up until that point. The sensation of the hot stream of water hitting me in the chest, running down my body, and N working away slobbily on my knob was pure bliss.

After a short time, she could not keep going (either her knees hurt, or her jaw hurt, I don't remember which). She stood up and told me that she wanted me in her. This of course was completely fine with me, because I was completely riled up and wanted to fuck her anyway.

She instructed me to sit down and lean back up against the back of the tub. I did as she said and crossed my legs Indian style. She then stepped over me with her legs under my arms but over my legs and sat down in my lap.

I remember holding my cock out and watching her spread legs lower down onto it and swallow me whole. As she sat down and took in the entire length of my shaft, she let out a moan unlike any other I'd heard from her. She tried to ride me, but we were in such tight quarters and an awkward position and it was impossible. So, I grabber her tight close to me and we started to rock back and forth. I held her tight and her breasts pressed tight on my chest. As I rocked back, she plunged into me and I got really deep inside her. As she rocked back, she was able to separate herself from me and we got going into a good rhythm.

It was my favorite fuck of my life. Just the different environment of being in the shower combined with the new position and holding her tight, out bodies moving and rocking as one. It was simply amazing for me. I think about it often, and use it as fantasy when I masturbate sometimes.

So, there you have it the story of my favorite fuck. Hope you liked it. I enjoyed writing about it almost as much as living it. Now, I think I'll go masturbate.

Mood: Horny after writing all this.
Music: Matchbook Romance

Enjoy!

There have been what I consider some really good entries in blogs that I follow recently. With that said, I wanted to take some time to share with you the entries I have found particularly entertaining the past week or so. Enjoy!

  • Dacia is a slut and she doesn't hide it, she puts it out there for all to see. Damn, I wish I was him.
  • What Monmouth has been experiencing this month, I have been experiencing for well over a year. Welcome to my sexless life.
  • DTG has been writing about her encounters with a new lover. Its saucy and very erotic. Meeting 1, Meeting 2.
  • This girl knows what it's about. I wish I had one like her. Wow, I can feel the anticipation.
That's some of the stuff that's been keeping me up, oh, wait, I mean entertained. What's been keeping you entertained.

Mood: Hot and Bothered
Music: Finch


This is Thumbs. That's because he has extra thumbs. He is the new addition to the family that I have been alluding to. He is settling in nicely after N and I brought him home last night. I'll post better pictures when I get some. Posted by Hello

She missed me, I can tell.

She missed me, I can tell. -- When I got back from my run up to NC for the weekend, N was glad to see me. She had some things for me that she and her Mom had bought. They got me a cool Venus Fly Trap and a few other little suprises. The plant is really cool, I can't wait to watch it catch a bug.

Since I have gotten back, things with N have been going pretty well. We hung out all day Tuesday, skipped class together, and went shopping. It was a pretty good day other than the fact that we were always on the run. Last night, she came over and helped me out for a bit (more on that in another post later today) then we went to get some ice cream. After desert we came back and just kind of lounged in my room for a little while. She eventually decided she needed to go home, but I suggested she stay. To my surprise, she was receptive to the idea but took a little persuading. I promised to run to her house for PJ's and to pick up her dogs if she stayed. She agreed! I was stoked.

So, last night she stayed over and things were good. To my disappointment, there was no sex and no play, but I did get a pretty decent good night kiss. Things aren't perfect, but for the moment they are looking up.

That pretty much sums things up right now with me and N. She is being cuddly and more affectionate with me, and that's great. The other day as we were hugging, she said something that surprised me. She said, "My Mom asked me if I am going to marry you, this weekend." I replied (Heart pounding, hands getting clammy), "Oh yeah, what did you say?" N, "I told her probably."

That made my day, I felt like I was fucking on top of the world. I know we aren't together right now, but I love her so much, and just that quick exchange gave me hope for the future.

So, I'll leave it at that. For those of you wondering where O is, she is sick. I asked her the other day over IM if she was mad at me or if I had done anything wrong. She said no, that she has just been sick and had a lot on her plate. I don't know if she was just blowing me off, or if she just hasn't had the time to see me but wants to. I'll let you know.

Mood: optimistic
Music: None, I'm in the computer lab.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

I feel like I haven't even had a free minute

Things have been pretty crazy with me since I got back from my weekend jaunt. I feel like I haven't even had a free minute to get caught up much less actually relax.

Right now, I've had a few minutes to sit back and get mostly caught up reading the blogs that I follow. I should really be leaving for class in 20 minutes or so, but I think I'm going to skip. Class has not been that great so far. I have skipped more than I should and several of my classes are boring and probably will continue to be. For instance, I got up at the butt crack of dawn today to go to work, then came home to shower, then went to class. I dozed through all of the classes I went to today. Not good. I am however reworking my schedule at work and will only have to go in one morning a week instead of three.

I know this is all very mundane and probably not much fun to read but I promise content will get better, just give me a bit to get caught up and back into a routine.

Mood: Scattered
Music: Blink 182

Monday, January 17, 2005

I know you are bursting with excitement!

Hi, I'm back.

Lost of stuff has happened since I have left, not all of which I have time or the energy to post right now. But I will post a bit. Much to my dismay, Re-invigorate has been down for the bulk of the weekend, and thus my stat tracking has been impossible. I really like watching my stats to see how many folks are visiting from day to day. Hopefully they will be back up soon.

My weekend was good. The dentist this morning wasn't so good. I hate the dentist, and today he decided to an excessive amount of drilling. It was no fun. I'm contemplating posting a picture of my new fillings because they are the cool new white ones instead of the toxic silver ones.

Ok, I'm tired and am going to go to sleep. I promise, and excessively long post is coming, it will sum up my entire weekend, I know you are bursting with excitement!

Oh, and a teaser, there may be a new addition to the family soon, but you will have to speculate as to what that means....

Music: 800 Octane
Mood: Tired, relieved

I know you are bursting with excitement!

Hi, I'm back.

Lost of stuff has happened since I have left, not all of which I have time or the energy to post right now. But I will post a bit. Much to my dismay, Re-invigorate has been down for the bulk of the weekend, and thus my stat tracking has been impossible. I really like watching my stats to see how many folks are visiting from day to day. Hopefully they will be back up soon.

My weekend was good. The dentist this morning wasn't so good. I hate the dentist, and today he decided to an excessive amount of drilling. It was no fun. I'm contemplating posting a picture of my new fillings because they are the cool new white ones instead of the toxic silver ones.

Ok, I'm tired and am going to go to sleep. I promise, and excessively long post is coming, it will sum up my entire weekend, I know you are bursting with excitement!

Oh, and a teaser, there may be a new addition to the family soon, but you will have to speculate as to what that means....

Music: 800 Octane
Mood: Tired, relieved

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Don't hold your breath.

Well, I'm off for the long weekend. I'm headed up to see my brother and sister at their school tomorrow night and then onto NC to stay with my parents for the weekend. I have a dentist appointment on Monday morning to get some fillings replaced.

N is taking the dude home with her this weekend. His mom lives in the same town as N's does and she says they are just riding together which I'd like to believe but not sure I do.

I messanged O this morning when she popped online and we talked for appoximatly 2 minutes. That was it. Then she had to go. She has been online all day and hasnt' made an effort to contact me. It's not looking good.

Maybe I meet some cool girls when I go out with my brother and his friends tomorrow night. I might even get some, but don't hold your breath.

I'll be back starting Tuesday. Have a great weekend.

Mood: Stuffed from all-you-can-eat wings night
Music: None

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

I've been way too horny lately.

I've been way too horny lately.

I was walking around campus today and admiring all the collegiate beauties and their padunkadunks. Let me tell you, there are some hot girls walking around this campus. There were two girls walking together, both of whom seemed to be pretty cute from behind and I walked up behind them. They turned the corner to go one way and I continued straight and I as I passed their trail, I caught the sweet smell of a woman. I don't know which one it was or what she was wearing, but she smelled sweet. It's amazing how that sweet smell can just make me melt. Like Monmouth I have turned on my pervdar lately and have been seeking out perv moments. Hopefully I will be as lucky this week as he has been lately.

O and I have played IM tag today and I haven't had a real conversation with her since she came back. I still don't know what's going on.

N came over tonight, I made a loaf of bread in the breadmaker and some suckatash. It was pretty good. After dinner we were in my room playing around and I asked her to pop my back. I laid down face down on the bed and she strateled me and popped it. Then I turned over and she was sitting on me as if she was riding me. It felt so good. It took all in my power not to pop a boner right into her. I want to fuck her, anyone, but really her so bad. I doubt that I will be fucking her anytime soon though. Oh well.

Mood: Tired, horny and alone
Music: Copeland

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

I Shalt Covet

Steve Jobs and Apple formally announced the much rumored Mac mini today. I'm stoked. First thought that camd to mind right after I saw it was I Shalt Covet that. Finally, a Mac that I can afford and in such a tiny, space saving form factor. I was going to order it today but decided against it. My birthday is just under three months away and I think it will be better to hold off until then.

If I got it now, all I would really be able to afford would be the base model, but if I give myself another three months to save and cajole some people into birthday money, I can do it right and get the customized one that I want. So, alas, I will have to gaze at it with longing eyes for another three months until I can get my hands on one.

That's ok, I waited a while to get my iPod and it just made it that much more sweet when I finally got it.

To date I've put away $160 for it. That means I have a pretty good start if I can save a good chunk of each paycheck for it.


Many, many things

It's been a long busy day with many, many things happening. I'll give you a quick rundown of the days events.

Classes started today and N agreed to let me park at her house since she is close to campus. Last night, we were talking about logistics and she told me that when I got there in the morning, Dude would probably be there. This didn't faze me much because I was completely expecting it given the fact that he has been spending the night lately anyway. Well, she must have been worried about how I took it because she called and left two messges to make sure I was ok. Today, she even asked if I was ok and even told me that she had visions of me going to be crying. I assured her I was ok even though I wasn't ok with her having him stay over.

My two classes went well today, and I will post more about my classes and what I think of them in few days.

I generally forego buying books and buy stuff I need/want instead and this semester will be no different. I was in need of some new shoes but, I met that need by buying a pair of New Balances that I had been eyeing for a while. I wanted brown ones but, I already have a pair of brown trainers and they only had my size in the black.

N and I went out to our volunteer job today and worked for a few hours. I am signed up for a different shift than I worked last semester and am working with some different people. I paired myself up with a cute girl and worked with her for the afternoon. We were getting along pretty well and I was throwing out game left and right. Eventually as I was chatting her up, I asked her what she did for the Christmas Break. She told me that she went home for a while but also did a bunch of traveling. When she rattled off the cities that she traveled to the tingle she had been giving me in my stomach vanished because I knew what was coming next. She went on to tell me how she spent a week with her boyfriend's family and what she a good time she had. Fuck. Foiled again. But, at least she was cute and I chatted her up a bit.

On the way home, I grabbed some veggies for dinner. I ate a ton, and even though they were vegtables, I don't know how good they were for me. I had creamed corn, corn bread, black eyed peas, and green bean cassarole. At any rate, dinner was damn good.

O and I had tentaively agreed to do something tonight, but I wasn't holding out much hope. I don't know what's up with the girl. I called her when I was out running errands and left a message saying I wanted to do something. When I got home, I had an instant message from this afternoon where she tried to contact me. I sent her one back but she didn't reply. Then while I was doing other stuff she replied and by the time I replied she was not there. She had an away message up for a while saying she was getting sick. So, I dont' know. It's obvious nothing is going down tonight, but other than that I'm clueless. Maybe she just isn't interested in me anymore.

That's most of my day. I get up early for work tomorrow, then have class most of the day. Woo!

Mood: Feeling Shafted
Music: My Chemical Romance

Monday, January 10, 2005

School starts back tomorrow.

School starts back tomorrow. I really don't want to go back. I've been having way too much fun playing Halo 2 and working my days away.

N and I went out to dinner tonight and did some shopping this afternoon, it was good and I will blog about it later.

O and I have tentative plans for tomorrow evening but I don't know if it will go through, I was hoping she would be more eager to see me. So far, she hasn't even shown any interest, I am the one who has brought it up. I don't know if she is busy or over me or not into me or what. I'll discuss that later too, as for now, I'm tired and need some sleep before a hectic day tomorrow.

Mood: Full of dread.
Music: Flogging Molly

Sunday, January 09, 2005

RIAA radar Search

I came across this and thought it was pretty neat, seems like a pretty useful tool if you download a lot of music. Thank goodness most of the punk stuff I download is independant of the major labels.


Just put in any band or album and it will give you and idea of if you might be targeted by the RIAA for downloading it.

As an example search for something like Rancid, then search for something like Britney Spears and see the difference.

Mood: Getting bored
Music: None, if the RIAA had it their way

"Just fuck me as hard as you can, FUCK ME!"

At work, we have the two owners and then they have a manager that helps them run the store. This morning only two of us were working since it is Sunday and the store is not open. It was me and the manager.

Let me just start off by describing the manager. She is 31 and has many qualities about her that are unattractive. But, then she also has some qualities that make her smoking hot and make me horny for her. Her bad qualities are that she is a redneck and smokes. Her good ones are that she has a good body and is funny, and likes to joke around, which I like. I also believe that she is pretty much a good person.

This morning we got to work and started doing all the stuff that needs to get done. We were outside walking dogs and she said to me, "J, guess what I did last night?" I thought about earlier when the week when the boss had joked to the manager that she slept around on her husband. I instinctively replied, "You fucked someone." She said no but that she wished she had *Spark in my mind. She proceeded to tell me about something mundane that she did but the whole time she was talking I just thought about the fact that she said she wished she had fucked someone last night. A little later, we were inside doing some cleaning and she was standing in a tight space bent over. I saw an opportunity to test the waters, I decided to walk by her and let my cock graze the area between her butt and her pussy as I slid passed. My cock was growing hard at the thought of what I was about to do and by the time I touched her I was medium hard. I put my hand on her ass as I slid by. She stood up looking little surprised but didn't protest.

A few minutes later we were up front doing some general cleaning of the store and I kept catching her eyeing me. Finally, I looked over and said, "Is something wrong, is there something I can help you with?" She replied, "Earlier when you slid by me, did you mean to do that?" At this point, it was now or never, the tipping point, the decisive moment when things would proceed one way or another.

I said, "Yes, I did mean it, did you like it?" This was bold on my part, but I figured that if she took it the wrong way, I could play it off as a joke and still be safe. It was at this point where she surprised me and walked over. I could tell by the look in her eye as she walked over that she meant business and we were about to Fuck.

When she got close, I walked into her and kissed her. I gave her a passionate kiss that said fuck me, fuck you, lets fuck hard, now. She took to my kiss and kissed me back hard. She surprised me with how into it she seemed. After just a moment of kissing, I took my hand and slid it down into her scrub pants. I dove in between her underwear and skin, slid my hands down to the jungle until I felt that old familiar feel of lips of sweet pussy. I began to finger her wet cunt as we stood there kissing. This continued on for a few minutes as we both got hotter and hotter.

After a short time, she stopped and pulled me by the shirt into one of the back rooms where we would not be in full view of anyone to walk by the store. We got back to the room where the grooming takes place and she reached for the button on my new blue jeans. She undid the top button and ripped open the button fly. Threw my pants down around my ankles, plunged to her knees and ripped off my boxers. She then dove onto my cock with a force and voracity that I have never experienced. She gave me head like she hadn't done it in years and needed bad. I stood there with my legs getting week and my penis swelling to it maximum limit. It was simply the best head I have ever gotten. I told her to suck it till I came.

Since I have not gotten laid in a while, I was pretty quick to cum. About 5 minutes.

I have an amazing talent for staying hard even after I cum. When I did cum, She took the load into her mouth and then looked up and showed to to me. Ah, what a feeling for a woman to take your juice and swish it around in her mouth and then swallow.

I told her to stand up. She complied, and I took her and bent her over one of the low grooming tables. I took her from behind and grabbed her pants and panties and in one quick motion, they were around her ankles. I grabbed my cock with my right hand and proceeded to tease her a bit as I like to do with women. I inserted just the tip of my head into the folds of her sweet pussy. I began to move it up and down along the length of her folds. When I would reach her clit, I rubbed it in a circular motion, stimulating her and eliciting groans and moans from her. When I was sure she was absolutely dripping wet, I spread her legs and I forced my cock into her with one long hard push. All in one motion, I went as deep into her as I could. She let out a scream that was absolutely animal in nature. I don't know if it was because I hurt her or she was just that pleasured. I think it was the latter.

I began to stroke her slowly at first, the kind of strokes where you bring your cock almost all the way out and then dive right back in again. Slowly, slowly, very slowly. Eventually she could not take any more of this and when I had almost pulled all the way out, she slammed her hips back into mine and yelled, "Just fuck me as hard as you can, FUCK ME!"

I complied and proceeded to fuck the hell out of the bitch. She was screaming and moaning like crazy when we were fucking. Since I had already cum, I knew I wouldn't cum again for a while.

She came but told me not to stop. I was wailing on her when I looked over and saw some lube that we use for the dogs. I grabbed it and squirted a whole dollop right on her asshole. Then I took middle finger on my right hand and inserted it into her pink asshole. She liked this I could tell.

We stayed like that fucking for almost a half an hour. Needless to say, we were a little later than normal leaving the store this morning.

Wow.

---
Now, you know what would have made this even better? If it had actually happened. I was off of work today and have never had any sexual contact with the manager, Just a fantasy that I have been cooking up for a week for so now. Hope you enjoyed because I had fun writing it. My cock has been hard the entire time. Now, I think I'll go masturbate to my fantasy.

Mood: Horny
Music: Punk under the covers

Saturday, January 08, 2005

They had fucked.

I don't know what this post is going to be about, but I've got so much turmoil inside of me that I feel like I need to write just to get some of it out. So here goes...

N, N, N. Our relationship is so strange, we seem to go in spurts. Just the other day, I was blogging about how good of a time we had shopping and were getting along great, and now it seems like we are just the opposite. The past two days she has not been lovey and affectionate like she was earlier in the week. I don't know exactly why. We got dinner tonight from a local store and took it to her house to eat. Things went fine there and for most of the evening considering how I was feeling. I decided to come home so I could do some blogging and play some Halo.

When I got home, she had messaged me so I responded and we started a conversation. I decided to ask her a question that had been nagging me all day. I aske her what was going on between her and dude. You see, I saw the other morning that she had stayed over at his house, and today I drove by her house at Noon to drop some stuff off while she was at work. Dude was there, presumably sleeping in her bed. (From what I gather, he is a lazy ass son of a bitch and sleeps all the time.) That hurt me deep inside just the way finding out she stayed over at his place the other night did. Then this evening as I was helping her straighten her house up, I was picking up and found an extra towel folded and crumpled next to her bed. I knew instintivly what this meant. They had fucked. How do I know this, well, whenever we used to fuck we would always use a towel underneath us to keep the sheets from getting sex juices all over them. We would fold the towel and half and use it from there. Sure enough, the towel I found was folded in half and had sex juices all over it. Damn, Fuck, Shit. Bang, right in the heart.

But, I digress, I asked her what was going on knowing full well what is going on. She told me nothing and that she didn't want to talk about it. Then, she proceeded to tell me that she didn't want to discuss it with me because it was none of my business. That is not good. Usually, we discuss everything, and only a handful of times since I have known her has she told me something wasn't my business. Those times, things weren't good either. So, I dont' know. I don't know where we stand, I don't know where they stand, I don't know where anyone stands. Fuck love. I wish I didn't love her so much, I wish I could let go, I wish I didn't torture myself, I wish it didn't hurt soo much. But I can't, and so I go on, a tortured, tormented soul, hoping to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

---
I had a thought the other day that readers might not understand why I seem to be so hard on N about the dude, but I talk about O all the time. It seems like there is a double standard, but I don't believe there is. We are in this situation, because she chose it. She wants it this way, not me. That's why I feel like I can be hard on her but still have O, and talk about her differently that I talk about the dude. I like O, I really do, I want to see her but she is in my life for my sanity. If I had it my way it would be N, she would be my one my only, but she isn't and I need something to keep my mind off of her, I guess that would be O. I hope I don't end up hurting her with all of this, because she knows nothing of my life with N. Oh, god I don't know... Aaargh.
Hoping for some clarity.

Now that I've written you a long, boring, mundane book of my stuggles I sign off. I hope you are still reading and haven't deserted yet.

I welcome your feedback.

Mood: Dejected
Music: Dave Matthews Band

Edit
---
I was pretty harsh when I wrote this, mostly because of the mood I was in. I didn't really mean all the things I said about N. The problem is, I just love her so much. Too much. But that's my own fault and my problem.

Friday, January 07, 2005

Up, then down.

Today has been and up and down day so far, and there is no telling where it will end up. Right now, it's somewhere in the middle. I got up early to go to work this morning and decided to ride by N's house just to see what was going on. (It is only one block out of the way to work so I didn't really go too far out of the way). I drove by one side of her house and didn't see dude's car there. I was elated. but as I turned the corner and drove by the other side, I saw that hers was no either. I was crushed. Up, then down. I know she was staying over with the Dude. She actually told me she didn't stay at her house last night after a carefully worded and planted question from me. I just wonder what is really happening between them, is it really just for companies sake, or are they getting serious? I don't know.

I got to work in a deprssed mood but there were hardly any dogs there that had spent the night and the morning went fairly easily. We hired some new people, so I spent the morning showing a new girl how to do stuff. Every day now, we have a contest to see who can get the most baths done. The winner gets to draw for a prize ranging from $1 to $40 dollars cash or gift certificates. I was bathing like a madman and in the lead till I got to a bichon named Cooper. Well, lets just say that Cooper was a little matted. I spent 50 minutes brushing him out. Then the next dog I had to do was a 145 lb Great Pyranees. Needless to say, while doing those two dogs, my lead evaporated and I was supassed by a margin that I could not make up. That bummed me out a bit because I worked really hard the other day and didn't win, then I worked really hard this morning and didn't win again. I might just give up and bathe at a normal speed then kill myself to finish second and get nothing.

Our boss had been promising us a suprise today for the whole week so, I was stoked about getting it. She took the five old employees outside and said, "Since so and so quit earlier in the week and you all worked so hard and caught up their hours we just wanted to give you the pay we would have been paying them." We all reached into our bags and pulled out $100 bonuses! It was so great. Then we went back inside and the pizza was delivered. They always buy us lunch on Fridays and most Fridays it is pizza. Down then back up.

N has a Powerbook G4 and I love it. If all the rumors are true, I think I am going to get one of the new "headless iMacs." I hope the rumors are true. I love my iPod and the Mac OS, I am what you would call a switcher. Although, I don't think I could or would get rid of my PC, I definitly want a Mac. With my $100 today added to my $40 Christmas money I got in the mail yesterday, I'm $140 on my way to the reported $499 price tag.

So, that's where today stands. I don't know how the rest of it will go but if the morning was any indication, it will be up and down.

Mood: at the moment, up (subject to change).
Music: Arms Bend Back

Thursday, January 06, 2005

And that's really all that counts.

Today was a pretty good day. I had the day off and I spent it wisely playing video games in front of the TV and shopping with N. We had fun shopping and I got some good stuff at American Eagle. When you have money, shopping after the holidays is so great because you can get such good deals. After I returned all my clothes I didn't want and combined that credit with other gift cards I had, I had $115 to spend. I got a zip jacket that I had been eyeing for a while, a sweater I've been wanting, 2 pairs of socks (1,2), a new pair of jeans (holy shit they are size 29!), and a button down shirt. I'm really stoked about all the stuff I got, made a good Christmas even better. After shopping, we went back to N's house and made some dinner (the dinner plans fell through). Now, I'm home and nearing sleep because I have to be up at 5:30 for work tomorrow morning.

Things went well with N today even though I know she's been hanging out with dude a lot lately. She actually showed me a good deal of affection today unlike most days. While shopping, we held hands, grabbed each others butt several times. At AE, we shared a dressing room. Tonight as I was leaving she offered a goodnight kiss on the lips. I know its not much, not even really worth blogging about, but I came home feeling good about her and about me, and that's really all that counts.

--

I noticed O came online this afternoon, and I was hoping she would want to talk. As I decided earlier, I was going to sit back and let her contact me. After a few minutes, she sent me a message. We had a nice talk for a few minutes on topics ranging from roommates to hottubbing in cold weather to Napoleon Dynamite. It was a good talk although she didn't mention the text I sent her like I was hoping she might. I don't really know what to think about her or the whole situation. I'm confused about it all I guess. We'll just have to see how things are when she gets back into town and we see each other. Hopefully, she is/will be eager to see me as I am to see her.

Mood: Upbeat, but growing tired
Music: Halo 2 soundtrack

What do you think?

Last night as I lay down to go to sleep, alone, I started thinking about O and how she will be returning to town in a few days. N got a new DVD player and she gave me her old one for my room. So, now I have one that O and I can watch movies in my room on and not worry about my roommates.

Anyway, I was thinking about her and how much I want to see and play with her. I decided that rather than calling her I would just send her a text message. The message said, "Hi. I've been thinking about you. I want to see you. :)" She can't text back from her phone so I wasn't expecting to get one back from her but, I was hoping that she might call me or something. Didn't hear from her last night, and haven't heard from her today. Bummer. Now, I'm trying to decide if I should give her a call or just wait for her to get back and contact me? I dunno, I will probably just wait on her. What do you think?

N and I are going to do some shopping this afternoon. I'm going to exchange some Christmas presents and return some stuff to Walmart. This evening, she has invited some people over for dinner, I think I'm going to be cooking ham steaks, potatoes, bread, a veggie, and possibly some noodles. With girls here, I don't think I will be cooking naked this time.

My cut on my head is healing. I finally got some neosporin for the cut so it is feeling better.

Mood: Stuffed, ate too many Oreos
Music: Hawthorne Heights

Tuesday, January 04, 2005


Cut. Posted by Hello


I cut my head when I reached into a dog cage today at work. It hurts. At least I got to go home early. Posted by Hello

I don't want to come across as being shallow or whatever

This morning, my boss and I were outside walking dogs. She told me that she had something kinda weird to tell me. I told her to shoot. She proceeded to tell me that my smell had been a topic of conversation amongst the women of the store recently. They couldn't figure out why I smelled so good and they though that I was actually wearing cologne to work. They asked N about it and she informed them that it was in fact just the deodorant that I use. Well, apparently, one of the girls who used to work at the store got pretty hot under the collar for me when she caught a wiff of me. This in and of itself is pretty flattering. The whole idea that the women of the store have been talking about my smell, and digging it is nice and the idea that a girl would be attracted to me and get hot from catching a wiff of is awesome but there's a problem. This girl that was getting all hot and bothered over me is very large and very unattractive.

Note: I read Monmoth's blog, and I have read and agree with this post. I know how to and have appreicated many women's bodies. None of whom conformed to the "perfect" body that we have shoved down our throat by pop culture. I appreciate the individualness of any woman's body and take it and enjoy it for what it is and uniquely has to offer.

This girl is different. She is very obese and not at all attractive. In principle, the whole situation is flattering and does a lot for my self esteem, but on the other hand, I'm a bit repulsed by the one who it involves.

At the end of her time at the store, I was starting to get the hint that she liked me anyway. I'm pretty observant and I was just getting the feeling that she was hitting on me a bit. Let me tell you , it gave me the heeby jeebies. Ug. I don't want to come across as being shallow or whatever, but I don't think I could ever be into this girl at all. Well, I guess it's a mute anyway since she is no longer there.

Update: This had been the topic of discussion into the workday today. Everyone thinks it's really funny that the girl was giving me the heeby jeebies. Everyone has joked about the situation so far, so I don't feel bad about being grossed out. Although the very thought of any intimacy with the girl gives me a nice heaving deep in my stomach.

Music: The Get Up Kids
Mood: strangely vague
--

Quick hits: I got a breadmaker from a friend for Christmas last nigth. Woo! The party was good, although only half of the invited showed up. O comes back soon! N is watching a movie with dude tonight. :( I cut my head on a kennel. I have to be back at work in 7.5 hours. Bed.

Sunday, January 02, 2005

That would just be too weird.

I sure am glad I don't come home to these type of messages.

Ok, I guess I should explain the photoblog post that immediately precedes this one. I'm having a party tomorrow for the big game and I'm serving chili to all my friends that are coming over. I won't have time tomorrow to properly simmer the chili for up to 6 hours so I figured I would go ahead and get it out of the way today while I was home cleaning house. I even got to use my new chopper. It worked great. Since the roommates are still out of town, I felt like walking around the house naked as I do from time to time. I am self concise about my appearance and I figured putting myself out there like that picture does is a way to help me grow into the skin I'm in. So, that's that.

I'm stoked about the party tomorrow night. I have invited some friends as well as most of the people I work with. It should be fun, although I don't know how I'm going to seat everyone if they all show up. I guess we will end up sitting on the floor. I really wish O was going to be here. But, if she was, I don't know if I would actually invite her. I don't think I'm ready to mix her and N together. That would be just too weird. She doesn't know about N at all (she's never asked me anything about my love life past or present) and N only know that I have been out once with her, none of the hooking up part.

N and I hung out this evening. We went to Best Buy because she needs to replace her dead DVD player. They didn't have the one she wanted to we are going back tomorrow when it comes in. I also picked out some Xbox games (1, 2) that I think I'm going to buy. We headed down to Old Navy and looked around for a bit. I found an awesome beanie (it is that style but says I love Snow, and is navy and red). I went up to get it priced checked because it didn't have a price tag and it turned out to be $.97 That was a deal too good to pass up so N got it for me. N and I had a good time shopping, we held hands and flirted as we walked from store to store. Next, we went to McAlister's for dinner and had potato soup in bread bowls. To finish off the night we came over here and she played some Fable. We have been getting along great lately, but I don't think she feels anything sexually for me anymore. That has me really frustrated and sad. To cheer me up, I have been thinking about my single favorite fuck with her. I think I'll be blogging about that soon. I have been wanting to for a while.

Mood: Muddled
Music: Straylight Run


Cooking Naked. Posted by Hello

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Bowling for New Years

Last night turned out to be better than I thought it would. N and I made plans to hang out for the evening early in the day. I was hoping to buy a bottle of champagne and drink it with her but her neighbor ended up inviting us to go Bowling for New Years and we accepted his invitation.

We went to work for the evening and let me tell you, it was hell. There are a lot of personalities at work that rub each other the wrong way, and everyone was pissy last night. Plus just the work of feeding, watering, walking, and cleaning up after 100+ crazy dogs was exhausting. When we got off work, N was getting a migrane. We went to the store and bought some Advil for her to take and headed to her house. While waiting for time to go bowling roll around she crawled into bed as I put some clothes away for her. She asked me how interested I really was in going. I told her only partially and we decided not to go. But, her friend who was going with us was already on her way and I didn't want to disappoint her so I agreed to go while N stayed at home to sleep of her migrane. Bowling ended up being fun, and I was feed free beer from the people we went with. I was taken home shortly before midnight and was playing Halo 2 as the clock struck the New Year.

As soon as I got in from bowling I called O just as I promised her I would. I was pretty disappointed to get her voicemail because I was really looking forward to talking to her. I left her what I thought was a good message and hopped on Xbox Live to play Halo 2. A few minutes later my phone rang while I was in the middle of a game. It was O, she sounded pretty excited to talk to me and we ended up having a nice little conversation. I mentioned that I was looking forward to her returning so we could do something and she said she was too (Score!). She told me she and her friend would be leaving Colorado on the 7th and would probably arrive her two or three days later. I'm looking forward to getting together with her and doing something.

Mood: Optomistic
Music: Arms Bend Back