Monday, January 24, 2005

Open Letter

I have decided to write an open letter to Dacia of Waking Vixen fame. I am increasingly finding myself in a situation that I am not sure how to handle. I hope that Dacia will feel compelled to dole out a little advice to me. I am in need of it. Also, If you feel you have any helpful advice, please feel free to leave it in the comments section.

The following is the text of the open letter that I sent her.


I’m writing to you because I find myself in a situation where I don’t know how to proceed. I need some advice and I do not know where else to turn but to someone like you. I am confident you can help me and provide me with some wise advice.

I am in a relationship with a girl who I have been seeing for several years now. We dated very seriously for two years and were even living together for most of that time. In the past year, we have put our relationship on hold, to take some time apart and to date other people but we still see each other every day and continue to do things together. Recently, our relationship has started to become more sexual and intimate again.

When we first started dating, we had sex very often and never used a condom. The first time we had sex, it just kind of happened and the opportunity didn’t really arise to use a condom, it set a precedent for non condom use. Later into the relationship, we tried to use a condom, for the pregnancy protection, but she complained that it hurt her, and she could not take it.

She had previously been with five other men before me and had never used a condom. In the last year, I know that she has slept with four more men, while I have not slept with anyone else. I do not know if she has been using condoms or any other form of protection with these men. I do know that on at least one occasion, she used a condom, but other than that I do not know if she has been using them.

She has asked me to stay over tomorrow night and I’m not quite sure what her motives are. I don’t know if she just wants to me stay as friends or if she is planning on seducing me. That’s not really the point. My point is, I think that we will eventually get back together and become intimate again. I don’t think I feel comfortable sleeping with her again without using protection, because I think some of her more recent partners have been questionable with regards to their cleanliness.

My question for you is, how can I bring up the idea that I want to have safe sex when we have a long history of never having safe sex? I love this girl deeply and care for her more than I care for myself. How can I do this without making her feel like a dirty whore (which I don’t believe she is)? How can I protect her and me without hurting her feelings or risking alienating her?

I hope that you will feel compelled to help me since you are such an advocate for safe sex. In advance, I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond to my letter. Thank you.


I hope that she will respond and take my call for advice seriously. She is after all a self professed safe sex advocate. So, my situation seems right up her alley.

Mood: Reserved
Music: My American Heart


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