Wednesday, May 25, 2005

I mean this, I'm Ok (Trust me)

N acquired some kittens while she was visiting her Mom this weekend. They are pretty tiny and still need their Mother, so they have been quite a handful to take care of.

After we finished a dinner of KFC chicken, she left to go home for the evening. Not twenty minutes later, she called me needing help. One of the kittens figured out he could put his head through the bars of the cage, and was in danger of hanging himself. I asked my roommate, who has a more suitable kennel if she could borrow it for a few days. He agreed, and she asked me to bring it over.

After tidying up some loose ends here on my homefront, I grabbed the kennel, threw it in the back of my truck and was off.

It's official, has been for some time, but I just haven't had the heart to blog it. N is with the Dude. As fugley, fat, and generally a fuck up as he is, he is now with her.

So far, I've done a pretty good job at coming to terms with it. It just makes me uncomfortable to see him at her house or pretty much acknowledge his existence in any way.

When I think about him occupying by all rights what I consider to be my place or space in her life, I get 1) depressed and 2) mad. Not like I'd do anything about it to physically hurt the dude (but, damn it would be satisfying to smote him in the head) but, it still hurts and pokes me in a tender place when I see his car parked over there, especially in the morning.
*End Tangent*

I drove over to her place, with the kennel in the back in a pretty good mood, rockin out to some Alkaline Trio. As I passed her place on the road side, I was relieved to not see his car pulled into the drive. As I pulled around to the side that we park on, I rolled into the drive and saw his piece of shit Honda parked next to her car. Fuck.

So, I pulled up, put on my game face and hopped out. Grabbing the kennel, I walked up to the door and peaked my head into the open window. There sitting on her couch, stuffing his face, watching my (at least 1/2 mine) Tivo was the Dude.

Making eye contact, I curtly said, "Is N around?" He replied, summoning her from the bedroom. Fumbling with my keys, he finally opened the door, and I went about the business of repositioning and readjusting the kittens. This task was accomplished in utter silence on my part, pretty much completely ignoring his presence. (As childish as it might be, the only way I can do it).

At one point, as I was sliding the new kennel into place, I looked over at him. He was bent over, looking for one of the escaped kittens and I had the complete displeasure of seeing his hairy plumber ass. Fuck dude, get a God Damn belt, you fat ass lazy fucktard.

After finishing my task and completing the transfer of kittens, I went into N's bedroom to let her know I was leaving. Through the bathroom door, she told me to hang on. There was no way I was staying in there to make small talk with the Dude, so I headed outside to hang out.

She finally came out, and thanked me for coming over. We said goodnight after she asked me several times if I was ok. Of course I replied that I was fine. There's no way that I could let her know how hurt I was right at that moment.

I was a lot like that song by My Chemical Romance, you know the one that goes a little something like this:
I'm Ok, I'm Ok
I'm Ok now, I'm Ok now
but you really need to listen to me, because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this, I'm Ok (Trust me)
I'm not Ok, I'm not Ok, I'm not Ok, I'm not OfuckinK
Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

But, this is me moving on. You probably won't believe it, but I have made remarkable progress in the last two weeks as far as coming to terms and moving on is concerned. For instance, there is a new girl that I'm interested in. She brings her dogs into work, and I have already found out that she is single, which is a start. After I get my next paycheck, plans are to ask her out to dinner or something. We'll see.

But for now, I'm ok, trust me.

Mood: Ok
Music: My Chemical Romance


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