Sunday, May 15, 2005

Ukrainian-English dictionary.

One of my best friends has been deployed in the Mediterranean for a while now. He is nearing the end of his six month cruise and getting ready to come home. As is our custom, we have been trading some pretty funny emails for the last month or so. I've seriously considered blogging some of our conversations, but never really gotten around to it. Well, the time has come and for your reading pleasure here comes our last set of emails.

Let me just set the stage for you. The other day while I was at work, I got a call from a strange number. The number was extra long, and I immediately recognized it as a foreign number. It was strange, I suspected it was him, but wasn't sure since he usually calls with a calling card. Anyway, he was in the Ukraine drunkenly herding his fellow shipmates back to the destroyer. The conversation lasted for a few minutes but was nothing special. Realizing that I forgot to ask THE critical question in our conversations, I quickly emailed him and this is what transpired.

(My words in Red, his in Teal; he will be known as J2)

Hey: So, did you find a nice young Ukranian girl to pull?

i found a girl but she said i was a shitty dancer, but we still hung out at the bar and the language barrier was kinda bad. later in the night when we were both intoxicated to fullness, she started to say thing to me and it seemed to me she wanted to dance again. well since i was really drunk i was like fuck no i do not want to dance. well it turns out she was saying she wanted to go somewhere else and hook up. damn the langauge barrier. so i did not get to hook up with a ukranian girl. sorry man.

See J2, the thing about being white guys is that we can't dance. Obviously this is something you and I know very well. Another thing that we must realize is that girls of every color ( with maybe the exception of Indian girls) can cut a rug like it's nobodies business. That leaves us, the single white male who is looking to pull at a very large disadvantage. Girls want to dance and guys just want to pull. With the exception of super fast company, most girls aren't going to let us get their clothes off without some type of dancing. Dancing to girls is like pre-foreplay, you have to get them warmed up. Here is where liquor comes in. Personally, once I get some liquor (or beer) in me, I'm fine. I can dance, make a fool of myself, and generally get the girl without much problem. You just have to loosen up, realize you are in a foreign country and move to the beat. Don't worry about looking foolish, you probably will anyway. Just dance make the girl happy and have some fun while you are at it. Also, it may be helpful to carry around a pocket Ukrainian-English dictionary.

You fool, you let some Eastern European puss slip through your fingers because you wouldn't dance? Ugh, have I taught you nothing...

So, that's it, I found it pretty entertaining, now, we are using email to IM each other, it is slow, yet oddly satisfying.

Mood: Muttled
Music: Eisley


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