Friday, August 12, 2005

I've only dumped two girls in my dating life.

On Wednesday night, I went over to have dinner with the Scientist. A lot of stuff about our relationship had been bugging me lately. I began to feel a little closed in with respect to the relationship. Not really that she was smothering me in the relationship, more that I was feeling boxed in a relationship that I no longer wanted to be a part of. I still like the Scientist, and I tried to impress that upon her as I broke her heart, but now just isn't the time for us.

I've got a lot of stuff coming up between now and December - jobsearch, school, marathon, moving, football season, working. I feel like I'm going to have a hard time handling it all and adding a relationship (with her) to that is something I don't really want to do.

I've only dumped two girls in my dating life. It's really tough and I don't like doing it. I treid to be mature and adult about the whole situation, explaining to her how I felt and why I didn't think it was going to work out. She handled it fairly well. Although at several points, she started to get bitter and did say some mean things to me, none of which I thought were very fair or deserved.

I still want to be her friend and hope that she can/will be mine, but for now, I move on. Here is an email that she sent me Thursday morning. It's mature and well thought out, much better than the way she reacted on Wednesday night.

I wanted to thank you for the past two months. I had a great time with you, getting to know you. You are a wonderful person and the girl you end up with will be very lucky to have you. Too bad it can't be me. Maybe our paths will cross again and the timing will be right. You never know what life will bring you.
Let me know how you do this weekend and keep me updated with your running and life. If you ever want to go for dinner or something just give me a call. We can still be friends. I don't hold your decision against you. Your future is important and should be your priority. I, of all people, know this. But if you start dating someone else before graduation, do me the favor and don't tell me. Then I would feel used.
Your friend,
The Scientist

I have a race tomorrow morning, it's a 5K. The course is flat and fast. My running friends are running it about 45 seconds faster than their times on the Summer 5K series course. I'm hoping to improve my 19:35 PR by a minute or so. I'm taking today off so I can go all out tomorrow and give it everything I have.

Mood: Anxious
Music: Acceptance


Blogger schmims said...

If she was the one, then even though you have all that other stuff going on, it wouldn't have felt like "adding a relationship" on top of all that.

5:32 AM  
Blogger J said...

Pretty much, I realized she wasn't the one a while ago. I just didn't know how to say that without really destrying her, so I used the other stuff as an excuse.

It all goes back to me being chickenshit....

10:46 AM  

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