Friday, October 28, 2005

Unload your misery in perfect solitude.

Since I'm graduating in December, I've been getting a little sentimental about campus and school in general. For example. I've been thinking of all the things I've never done around campus that I actually want/need to do before I leave. These things include, eating at the Barbeque House, Rolling Toomers after every win, playing intramural soccer. Simple things that make Auburn great.

I was looking at the school newspaper's message boards this morning and came across this. Apparently, it origianated as an email and has spread through word of mouth ever since. I suddenly have ten more things to do before I graduate.

The top 10 places to take a crap, at Auburn University.

10. First floor lobby of Telfair Peet Theatre in the afternoon. After the intro classes have left, and before evening shows, the lobby provides plenty of privacy to pinch a loaf.

9. Any men's bathroom in a Hill dormitory. Really, who else is using them? Gentlemen, make sure it's a daily deuce, because security
keeps you out at night (unless you have a special lady).

8. Fourth floor of Haley Center. People are too lazy to walk
beyond the third floor, and there isn't a department located on that floor. Ideal.

7. Bottom floor of the Aero-space Engineering Building. Virtually empty because they're all working for NASA. Wall-sized mirror is an added
plus. Right next to Toomer's Corner.

6. Beard-Eaves Memorial Coliseum, non-game day. It's open all
day, provides multiple levels for increased options, and each bathroom is an immense cave. Ideal during the long walks from the CDV-Ext.

5. Third floor of the RBD Library. There are secret bathrooms located on the back wall (Mell Street side). Even during peak library hours,
you can sneak in and exorcise the demons. This would be higher on the list but neglect from the library staff has lessened its value.

4. Anywhere in the Life Sciences Building. Is there ever anyone in the Life Sciences Building? Bad location moves it down the list.

3. Top floor in Funchess Hall. Thanks to all the turf and soil research in the building, you can enjoy the enriching bucolic atmosphere provided by the Agriculture Dept. Located across the street from the Barbeque House means quick access when the squirts start to come.

2. Second floor of Biggin Hall (Art Dept). The building is currently undergoing renovation, but it represents the ideal "quick
break".

Thanks to the low crime rate in Auburn, most buildings are open 24
hours.
That makes Toomer's bar-hopping (I use the term loosely here) much easier on the bladder. The trick here is to ignore your drunken IQ and take advantage of this opportunity when it is presented.

1. Bottom floor of Tichenor Hall. Down the hall from the
Testing Services office is a ramp leading to some storage closets. Thanks to Accessibility laws, the ramp provides perfect cover for a bathroom tucked away in the corner of that hallway. The low population of the hallway means little to no traffic. Residents take so much pride in their hidden bathroom that they placed air fresheners in every stall. Strategically located beside Foy Union means that after chowing down on a Chick-fil-A grease patty, you can unload your misery in perfect solitude.

And there it is folks. The best bathrooms of Auburn
University. Please understand that my male-dominated experience with bathrooms may have clouded my opinion. For those of you still in Auburn, I invite you to take a tour of these fine facilities before you leave the Plains.


I think I'll start my expedition this afternoon when I return to campus.

Mood: Giddy
Music: Alkaline Trio

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