Monday, November 28, 2005

School is a cocoon.

Thanksgiving was good. The week long break was good. I have no complaints other than the fact that it was indeed not long enough.

I returned to campus this morning in state which can me most accurately called depressed. You see, I've been haunting this campus for nine consecutive semesters now. I love school. I love walking around campus. I like going to the majority of my classes. Nowadays, when I do skip, it's usually for a ligitimate reason.

I've got less than a week and a half left to remain here a student and that makes me sad/nervous. I don't want to get a job. I don't to work fifty hours a week. It's not that I'm lazy, please don't confuse it with that. I'm a hard worker, I'd just rather do it at school.

The next two weeks are crazy. I have so much stuff to do and it all leads up to G Day. The 16th. The events of the next two weeks will play a dramatic role in where my life goes for the next five years. The decisions that I make will lay the foundation for my entire career. That fucking scares me.

I've had a job offer. Thank goodness. When I travel to New York next Tuesday, by Wednesday afternoon, I'll know if I have a second. Then, it's just time to buckle down and decide. Where do I go from here? Which path do I take? Will I succeed?

I think that's the one thing that scares me the most. School is a cocoon. A shelter from the outside 'real world'. Sometimes, I don't have the confidence that I will actually succeed in the real world on my own. That's based on a lot. I don't know if the fear is rational or unfounded, but I can tell you that it is very real. I think that's what's holding me back, what is making this time so difficult and challenging.

The waves of change are crashing down. I just hope this little boat I'm on can weather the storm.

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