Saturday, March 11, 2006

I have commited alcohol abuse.

It is said that admitting that you have a problem is the first step to recovery. I'm sure you have all heard this anecdote. Well, it's time for me to admit that I have a problem. I have commited alcohol abuse.

This evening after haning out with N for the better part of the afternoon, I went to Kroger to pick up some brews. Since my finanacial standing hasn't allowed me to become a beer snob even though I am one at heart, I chose to make my purchase decision based on a price/ounce comparison of the different offerings of Coor's Light. As usual, I ended up purchasing the eighteen pack of sixteen ounce cans.

I got home, unloaded the truck and was ready to get my drink on. After shoving the case of beer into the fridge for a few minutes to get closer to optimal temperature, I was ready to dig in. Normally, I just rip the top open and dig in but my OCD kicked in and I decided to cut it neatly since I had a razorblade from work handy.

I keep a safety razor in my pocket at work to help with breaking down boxes over the course of the day. I cut three sides and was pleased with my progress. I went to the forth side and after sliding the blade about a quarter of the way through the cardboard, I heard a hiss and saw liquid gold flowing and frothing freely from a silver bullet can.

I thought to myself, 'this can't be happening.' It was. I quickly plugged the hole with my thumb, opened the top and began to guzzle. I downed that sixteen ouncer much quicker than I wanted to. After drying out my box o beer, I was ready to finish my cutting and get my brews back into the fridge for the remainder of the chilling process.

I initiated my final cut when I heard another hiss, 'Oh fuck no, this cant' be happening again.' It was. I did it again. I tried plugging the hole again. I guzzled the next beer quicker than I wanted to and much quicker than I wanted to have two in my system. After all, we have seventeen miles scheduled for tomorrow morning at eight am. I can't drink too much tonight.

By this point, I'd learned my lesson and aI directed the dangerous end of the blade away from my precious holdings. No more beer was harmed.

I've learned my lesson. Next time I'll rip with my blunt hand rather than trying to be cute an fancy with my razor. It's not worth the loss.


Blogger schmims said...


4:44 AM  

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